Simple, Low-Waste Birthday Parties
Growing up, I had the good fortune of living next door to a real life Mary Poppins. She was the type of person who made me feel warm and safe and good, usually with the help of home-cooked food and simple, healthy treats. For Christmas, she delivered homemade banana bread and the raw ingredients for hot chocolate; if we were sick or unwell, she’d show up with soup,; after school, she slathered peanut butter on celery and offered up a big glass of milk; she was the mother who invited everyone over to make gingerbread houses; and for Halloween, she doled out little red boxes of raisins and shiny golden apples. I know a lot of kids would have preferred sugary, flashy treats, but I was the sensitive type and loved the way she infused simplicity and goodness into everything she did.
Some of my favorite childhood memories are from the sweet 1950s-style birthday parties she threw for her children in the wood-paneled playroom above her garage. I have vivid memories of those parties, where a small handful of kids would gather to celebrate and play. The room was predictably and minimally adorned in homemade decorations, usually made from poster board, cardboard, and Magic Markers. The presents were wrapped modestly in a few pieces of newspaper, always from the funny section. We munched on simple snacks like popcorn, fruit, veggies, and dip, and feasted on an always fresh-baked, wonkey-perfect cake.
The games we played were simple and timeless, too. They were the kind our great-grandparents would have recognized and the kind that didn’t cost a buck. I’m happy to report there were no hired clowns or magicians, no professional face painters, certainly no petting zoos or farm animals for hire. Instead, entertainment came free and easy, in the form of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, hot potato toss, magical chairs, hide-and-seek, and Simon says. Of course, there was always a jar of jolly ranchers with a little postcard that invited us to guess, “how many jollies in the jar?”, with the whole lot going to the lucky kid who came closest to choosing the exact number. I won the green apple jollies one year and had the neighborhood kids literally eating out of my hand.
Now that I’ve been a mother for a decade, I’ve thrown 19 birthday parties (NINETEEN!), and not one of them has been a stroke more complicated than the ones my neighbor used to throw. To my surprise, my children wouldn’t want it any other way. One year, I tried to weasel out of planning a party by offering to outsource it to a special venue. As someone who appreciates quiet and calm, I was never going to agree to something loud and overstimulating, but the thought of inviting a bunch of kids to make pottery at our local studio sounded nice enough. It wouldn’t have mattered what I’d offered - my children were NOT going to have it! They let me know in no uncertain terms that they wanted the same simple party I’d produced (like carbon copies) every single year of their lives. What’s funny – and maybe a little surprising - is that they also wanted the same cake, decorations, rituals, and games we’d always had.
I’ve wondered (and secretly kvelled) over the fact that my children are happy with what feels like so little, but as Kim John Payne once wrote, “meaning hides in repetition: we do this every day or every week (or every year) because it matters.” I think it’s true that a ritual can feel sacred once we practice it enough. Much like eating breakfast, once you’ve done it a handful of times, it feels wrong to skip it. At the same time, even though my children seem to prefer our simple home-based parties, I don’t think they’re different than most kids. In fact, I think most kids want the same basic things: safety, connection, and lots of play. Luckily those are the kinds of things a small, simple party can deliver – in droves! – and without much effort, money, or waste.
If this seems obvious, it may be because we live in slightly different worlds, but over the past two decades simple childrens’ parties have become an endangered species. In the places I’ve lived (metropolitan areas), I’ve noticed a steady rise in big, overwhelming parties thrown at scale, with lots of children, too much stimulation, and little opportunity for connection and play. Most of the time they’re hosted at unfamiliar venues (bouncy houses, activity gyms, arcades, pottery studios), with every child in the neighborhood, homeschool group, or class invited. While that kind of party may make planning and hosting a little less stressful, the actual event can be expensive, impersonal, overwhelming, and disjointed for everyone involved.
There’s also the issue of waste. If you throw a party outside of your house, and at scale, there’s a greater likelihood you’ll resort to buying disposable decorations, cups, plates, utensils, and napkins. If, on the other hand, you throw a party at home, there’s no reason why you can’t use the plates, glasses, and flatware you already own. You can also make your own decorations and keep things feeling homespun and from the heart. Since you can set everything up the night before the party, the getting ready part of the party is much less harrowing.
Here I share some of the ways I’ve managed to host parties that are (mostly) stress-free and special for parents and children, not only because they’re small, simple, and sustainable, but also because they keep the focus on celebrating the people involved – the child who has traveled another year around the sun, the friends who have come to help celebrate, and the parents who have committed to spending their afternoon playing and caring for a gaggle of little ones. As with any advice, only take what resonates and leave the rest. There’s no expertise informing these suggestions, just a bit of experience.
1. Guests. I like to keep our guest list small, simple, and sweet. A standard formula is the age of the child plus one, but I personally like to cap it at 5 guests (including the birthday child), no matter the age.
2. Invitations. I think most people have switched to paperless invitations, which is great, but if you want to send something a little more personable, a simple email with time and place can make your guests feel a bit more connected with you and the event. Otherwise, if you’re still smitten with real cards, consider making them at home with scrap paper and craft materials.
3. Time. I’ve found 2 hours to be the sweet spot. It usually feels like a little too little, but as Shakespeare once said, “better to leave three hours too early than a minute too late.” I find this particularly befitting when it comes to young children, if you know what I mean!
4. Gifts. Between wrapping paper, bags, bows, ribbons, cards, tape, and packaging, a lot of waste is created from the gift giving element of parties. If you’d like to eliminate gifts, you can write something short and respectful on the invitation like: “Please no presents, just your presence”. My husband and I usually buy one gift for our children and, if possible, wrap it in newspaper, a furoshiki cloth, or a linen laundry bag. (It’s cuter than it sounds!). Here’s a link to how to tie a piece of fabric the furoshiki way.
5. Decorations. Decorations for children’s birthday parties are almost always single-use, disposable, and unnecessary. Personally, I find homemade decorations much more inviting and, if you invest in cute ones, you’ll want to use them over and over again. When my oldest turned one, I bought a cotton bunting and wool birthday banner from a maker on Etsy. We’ve used them for every birthday celebration since! We also made our first child a wool felt birthday crown using a tutorial like this one and then, three years later, when our second child turned one, we flipped it over and sewed her initials onto the other side. One crown, two kids, nineteen birthdays, zero waste! If you want to invest in something a little more pricey but certainly beautiful, you might like a wooden birthday ring. Most shops sell a variety of ornaments you can choose from to create a ring unique to your child. There’s also the option to buy an ornament with your child’s age on it.
6. Food. I can say without a doubt, that most children don’t eat very much at a birthday party. This is especially true if you host the party after lunch time. A handful of simple, wholesome snacks will usually do the trick and, fortunately, many of them can be purchased package-free in the produce section or in bulk (using your own containers) from the bulk bins, olive bar, or cheese counter at your supermarket. I like to serve popcorn, pretzels, trail mix, mandarins, cheese and crackers, olives, caramel apples, fruit, veggies, and dip.
7. Drinks. For drinks, you can skip juice boxes and soda (you probably already do!) and serve water, apple juice, and/or lemonade from a carafe or pitcher. To make the water a little more festive, I usually infuse it with lemon, lime, or orange slices. Berries and fresh herbs (like mint!) are fun additions too! If you serve juice, don’t be afraid to water it down a bit. One thing that makes a birthday party go well is feeding everyone healthy food and drinks that don’t fill their tanks with too much sugar! Also, if you’re worried that children will spill or, worse, break glasses, serve drinks in half-pint or pint-size Ball mason jars. Not only are they almost impossible to break, but you can also purchase these lids with a hole for a straw if you’re worried about spills. If you purchase the lids, you won’t regret investing in a handful of reusable metal straws – they’re great to have for when you’re on the go and remember, you’ll use them for every party in your future! Lastly, you can use a white china pencil to label the kids’ glasses with their names.
8. Table. I think the best way to turn someone into an environmentalist is to ask them to clean up at the end of a typical birthday party. Between the wrapping paper from gifts and the plastic plates, forks, spoons, cups, bowls, and napkins, there’s a good chance the experience will spontaneously awaken their conscience. Fortunately, you can avoid a lot of waste and save money by using the tableware you already own. If you know anything about the educational Montessori philosophy, you know that children are given real tableware to show them you trust and believe in their capability. While I wouldn’t use my great-grandmother’s heirloom china, I definitely feel comfortable using our everyday plates and flatware. Finally, if you haven’t done so yet, I highly recommend investing in kid-friendly cloth napkins. I bought a set like these on Etsy two years ago and use them every day.
9. Candles. I suppose you could skip the candles altogether and start a tradition of blowing out one singular candle, but we’ve kept with tradition, opting to use these beeswax candles, which I can usually find locally at Whole Foods. Once they’re blown out, I clean off the icing and store them away for the next birthday. I can usually get four birthdays out of one pack and, since they’re made of beeswax, I can compost the stubs.
10. Games. Before I share the games we play, I’d love to say a little bit about my philosophy when it comes to children (which comes from a wonderful program I participated in with Hand in Hand Parenting). I believe children need lots of free play, but I also think they need to feel safe and connected. When it comes to throwing a party, I’ve found that it helps if you start with some structured games that not only assist in syncing up the kids’ nervous systems but also help them feel connected with the other kids and grown-ups at the party. After we play a few games, we usually eat and then, if everyone is doing really well, I like to let them loose, ideally in the backyard, for some good old-fashioned free time. If the kids are kind of wild, I prefer to collect them at the art table for some sculpting and handwork. I’ve found there are few things better than clay or dough to help ground and calm kids. For an easy recipe for no-cook homemade playdough, click here. Otherwise, this clay comes in packaging but I’ve found it to be an all-around favorite for kids. It’s really easy to manipulate, and I love that it doesn’t air dry.
As for structured activities and games, welps, you probably know what’s coming: simple, good old- fashioned fun! Here are a few of my favorites games. We don’t do all of these at one party – instead I like to choose 3-5 games, depending on how long each one lasts. You’ll notice most of them don’t require materials, which will keep the waste and costs of the party down without disappointing anyone.
· Making + decorating cookies. I love to roll out a simple sugar cookie dough and let the kids use cookie cutters to cut it into shapes. Once the cookies are cut, I bake them and bring them out to decorate at the end of the party. To decorate them, I mix powdered sugar, natural food coloring, and just enough water to make a paste, then I pour the paste into squeeze bottles that can be used for easy decorating. The fun thing about cookies is that you can find cutters that go with just about any party theme. I’ve found tons of cookie cutters at thrift stores, so you might want to check there before buying new.
· Crafting. I’ve set up lots of simple craft activities in the past, and usually try to tie them in with the theme of the party (if there is one). As a general rule, I’ll only put something out that kids can do independently, with minimal adult help. Otherwise the host can get frazzled trying to help a lot of kids at once, and that’s generally not a good thing. Simple crafting ideas include making salt dough ornaments, sculpting with clay, painting wooden bird houses, making bird seed ornaments, creating a mini terrarium in a mason jar, making glass lanterns with tissue paper, etc.,
· Scavenger hunts. My kids love simple scavenger hunts. Fortunately, they’re easy to plan and execute and you can fit them into a theme by having the kids find something related at the end of the game. I use clues like the ones linked here, but usually add a few if the kids are older.
· Pin the tail on the donkey. I think everyone knows this game and of course you can adapt it to fit any theme. To make this a low-waste game, just draw the creature (donkey, dog) on brown craft paper or the inside of a cut-open brown paper bag.
· The Sleeping Giant. This is a game we used to play at our Waldorf school Spring fair, and my kids absolutely loved it! Now they ask for it every year without fail. To play, dress your partner or grandparent like a giant and give them a basket full of “goodies.” I like to use wooden blocks, stones, or sticks – anything will work, just make sure you have one to two dozen pieces. Next line the kids up on one side of the yard and designate it the “safety zone.” The object of the game is for the kids to capture goodies from the basket and bring them back to the safety zone, WITHOUT waking the giant. If the giant wakes up, he’ll chase you and, if he catches you, he gets to put the goodie back in the basket. Let one child go at a time and secretly ask the giant to grunt, growl, and moan to keep the game suspenseful. The giant should also wake up and chase the child as soon as the child captures the goodie. The game ends when the children have captured all the goodies. (The giant shouldn’t catch the children often; otherwise it’s not very fun for them).
· Pinata. Every year, I stuff a piñata and let the kids bust it open. Although I’ve made many of them myself (sometimes using nothing more than a shoebox and paint), I’ve also ordered a few from Etsy. One thing I love about Etsy is that you can usually ask the maker to package your items with newspaper in lieu of plastic bubble wrap or packaging nuts. To stuff the pinatas, I wrap bulk candies or trail mix in fabric scraps and tie them up with twine. I save the scraps and twine and reuse them every year! I also compost the remnants of the pinata, which are made of cardboard and tissue. (Still, I take full responsibility for the fact that this is a highly wasteful endeavor; come to think of it, it might be time to find a new activity).
· Simon Says. I think most people know this one but in case you’re not familiar: The kids stand in a line facing an adult (named “Simon”) and are asked to do all sorts of things (touch their heads, rub their bellies, stand on one leg, etc.,), but only if the adults starts by saying Simon Says (“Simon says, “rub your belly!”, for example). If the adult doesn’t say Simon Says first and you do the command, you have to sit out of the game. The last kid standing is the winner.
· Musical statues. Play music and ask everyone to dance until the music stops. When the music stops, they should freeze like a statue. Anyone who moves is out. Keep playing until only one child remains. To keep this game a little more on the mellow side, ask someone you know to play an acoustic instrument (the guitar or piano, for example) instead of playing loud radio-style music.
· Sleeping Lions. All but one child pretends to be lions and lay on the floor as still and quiet as possible. The one child not pretending to be a lion is the lion tamer and has to walk around the room trying to make the lions laugh or move by telling stories or jokes. If you laugh or move you’re out. Play until only one child remains.
· Blind man’s bluff. One child is blindfolded and spun around, while the other children scatter in lots of directions. The blind man has to tag one of the other children and guess who it is. If they guess right, that person becomes “it”.
· Musical chairs. Gather enough chairs for all but one child (if you have 5 children, set up 4 chairs). Put the chairs back to back in a line. While the music plays, the children walk around the chairs. When the music stops, they have to scramble to find a seat – the person left standing is out. For each subsequent round, remove one chair, until only one child remains.
· Three legged race. Gather ties or scarves – one for every two children invited. Then pair up the children, tie their two inside legs together with the tie or scarf, and let them practice walking and running a bit. Then set up a starting line and finish line and stage a race to see which pair wins.
10. Goodie bags. I don’t do them. Usually, the children have crafted or baked something, and I send that home with them in a paper bag or mason jar, but otherwise I don’t really like the concept of a goodie bag very much. It feels like that extra, unnecessary detail that’s become a nuisance to everyone involved. Maybe it’s just me, but does anyone really enjoy putting together or receiving a bag full of rubbish from the Dollar Store? My children bring them home from parties and always leave them in the car for me to clean up and, unfortunately, toss in the garbage. A homemade cookie or a friendship bracelet they’ve made with friends, well, that’s a different story!
I think that’s it, although I do want to leave you with a birthday blessing I found in a Waldorf book when my children were teeny tiny babies. I say it to them the night before their birthday as I’m tucking them into bed and, like most rituals, they love it and expect it every single year.
When I have said my evening prayer,
And my clothes are folded on the chair,
And mommy switches off the light,
I’ll still be 7 years tonight.
But from the very break of day,
Before the children rise and play,
Before the darkness turns to gold,
Tomorrow I’ll be 8 years old.
8 kisses when I wake,
8 candles on my cake.